Dating issues of one multi-gendered individual

It's interesting when you finally figure out why you're so different, how so many things in your past that bothered you begin to make sense.

Let's talk dating and relationships. First off, the experiences in this blog are my own, not anyone else's. I'm not speaking for any other gendered person except myself. And don't expect these posts to be politically correct. I'm telling it like it is from MY Point of View.

Dating has always been a conundrum for me. Hell, life was always a conundrum for me. I never knew who to be, how to act, what to do... because it always seemed to be wrong to everyone else. Thankfully I'm a lot more comfortable in my shoes now, but there are still things that befuddle me.

First off, let me state the facts. I have female physiology and three genders: Masculine, Feminine, and None.

I can remember in my teens every night as I was trying to sleep imagining going to sleep and waking up with a male body - hoping it would happen. Every damned night. Of course, it didn't happen. So after awhile, I tried my best to be what everyone expected a girl to be. Didn't work out. At least now I understand why.

I asked a guy out on a date and paid when I was 18 and OMG, you would think I'd suggested Adolf Hitler was a good guy by the way my mother and grandmother acted.

When I was 22/23, a guy I knew actually said to me "Oh, you're not a real girl."

Now, as a person who is way beyond that age, I still have issues with dating. Here's my conundrum.

When I'm out with a guy, I realize I act like a guy. I'm competitive. I become their friend/buddy. That is how I interact with men. And let me state categorically: I'm into men. I love men's voices, their bodies, their personalities, and yes, when I come across a gentleman, I go a bit gaga.

However... heterosexual men are naturally confused on a date with someone who 'acts like a guy'. And homosexual men won't date a multi-gendered individual in a female body (and I don't blame them -I am missing a certain piece of equipment). There are expectations of how I'm supposed to act as a female, and I don't quite fit. I never have. And while knowing that, and understanding why all past dating failed, I'm even more at a loss to figure out how to find a partner.

Because, I'm not just one gender. I'm not just a male gender in a female body. I also have a female side and that side loves certain things. The thing is, I can be both at the same time. Hell, I can be all three genders at the same time. I have no idea if anyone could handle that. Anyone know?

There's an expectation of people my age. When people find out I've never been married or ever been in a long-term relationship, they just assume something is wrong with me. "Oh, she must have a lot of baggage". Well, hell, everyone has baggage. But at least I don't come with a string of exes or children. *smirk*

But as a genderfuid person, I have no idea how to find a man who is open to the wonder that is me. I mean, it's not like that's something you blurt out when you meet someone. "Oh, hi. My name is... and I'm genderfluid, how about you?"

Or is it? I've been out of the dating game so long I have absolutely no idea.

No comments:

Post a Comment