Pronounamundo

Okay, I heard the title in Fonzi's voice. That dates me, doesn't it?

It's been seven months since I 'came out' as non-normative. Now, that coming out felt more flat. Nobody seemed to care really. Which was nice, though I think to a lot of people, they assume I'm going through a phase... perhaps my version of a midlife crisis?

I've gone from stating myself as tri-gendered to embracing gender fluidity as looking back I can sometimes spot what gender I was at a given moment, but for the most part? I'm just me, all my genders along for the ride.In so many ways, it's a relief to realize there was a reason I've always felt off... out of step... Not normal.

Here's my quandary - PRONOUNS.

Pronouns are used to refer to a chosen group by a set of third person words. Thus He, His, Him, Himself for male gender and She, hers, hers, and herself for female gender.

Since nobody made a choice for those of the non-normative genders, people seem to have chosen for themselves. There are dozens of sets of pronouns. DOZENS! Now, not only do I think it's ludicrous for people to expect everyone to learn their set of pronouns, I think it's rude. We're expecting people to learn sets and sets of pronouns for thousands and thousands of people.

That said, I totally understand why we choose our own pronouns. The more comfortable I become in my skin as who I really am, the less I want to be referred to as she or her. But I also HATE 'they' which some people are pushing as the gender-neutral pronoun.

What do I prefer? Xe, Xys, Xem, Xemself. They tumble off my tongue nicely. That said, I still feel bad about asking people to refer to me by those pronouns because 'OMG, it's not as if they don't already have a million other things to remember."

I am a writer and have four different writing pseudonyms. The two I write the most from still have the 'she' label all over them. Only with one of my pseudonyms have I felt comfortable putting my gender out there and including my chosen pronouns. And that pseudonym writes inspirational romance. Which seems a bit odd... or is it just me? Or perhaps that's just my way to kick my former religion in the teeth. Who knows?

But where I'm going with this is that we have a major pronoun problem. HUGE. And it's just getting worse.

Someone - and OMG it had better NOT be one of the normative genders that chooses - needs to choose one set of pronouns. Here - there are a few here to choose form "In need of a gender neutral pronoun"

Just uh... not 'they' okay? *wink wink, nudge nudge*

In all seriousness, though. "They" was a well used pronoun before the twentieth century. So it would make more sense to move to "They". After all, we've been there before. Or is that "They've been there before..."?

Picking out the pieces

In one way, I wish for the days I didn't realize who I am - though believe me, that's only like 1% of the time. On those days, I just thought I was odd. Now I understand what makes that oddness a part of me.

Today it started with something as simple as a phone. I hate phones. Despise them. Always have. I've never seen the value of staying on the device and talking about nothing for hours at a time. If I have to make a call, I want it short. I want it to the point. And I want it over in less than 5 minutes.

I stopped counting how many times people - both men and women - told me that was odd. About how 'unfemale-like' it was.

So today as I stood with a TracFone in hand with a disgruntled expression on my face, I realized that part of my dislike for the damned device must land in either my male or agendered parts. Which is a strange thing to think at first.

But then? It's kind of cool. It's like another little nugget I can put into the "This is what I do" pile in my head to where it makes sense.

Like why I hate dresses. How I get so ultra competitive on dates. And why I think small talk is the true bane of our existence.

And why I would be happy if people would stop trying to talk to me on long car rides. Like seriously? Stop talking. Leave me to my mental peace where I am drawing diagrams, making up storylines, and many times thinking of nothing at all.